How do you live your best life when the life you are living
isn't your first choice? How do you live
fully in the day when your mind is preoccupied with something that has yet to
happen? How can you deeply love the
people in your life when it always feels like someone is missing?
This is our reality, for the second time and probably not
the last. We live in a place of great
joy, we feel overwhelmingly blessed and incredibly thankful every day. But we also feel lost and incomplete, often
times in the same breath. It is such a
hard thing to describe, but anyone who has ever been called into a place of
waiting knows what we are feeling. Being
clearly called by God to do something, but feeling so overwhelmingly frustrated
by the time it takes for this calling to come to fruition. How can God be so present and yet feel so far
away? We don’t know, we have no answer
to why faith is so strangely conflicting.
Some days we lean into the frustration, we ask why and wonder where God
is in all of the pain. Others days we
feel wrapped in the fold of God, protected and guided. It makes no sense, but yet we feel a consistent
joy.
So even in the timing of our adoption we are in limbo. Sometimes it looks hopefully that we will
travel to bring our sweet boy home in July and other times it is clear that
October is probably a more realistic timeline. We are asking for prayer for
paperwork, officials, adoption workers, and nannies. But as always our greatest prayer is for our
son.
We also know full well, the conflict of emotions we feel now
is nothing compared to what our son will experience. The joy of a new family next to the immense sadness
of losing a family. The excitement of a
new environment paired with desire for things to stay the same. Wanting to be loved and valued but not
understanding why a stranger would want to provide those things. Having a little brother to share his
childhood with but missing all of his friends at the care center. There is no scenario where we can even begin
to understand what our son will go through during the first few years of
transitioning into our lives.
So, just as we have done so far, we are preparing ourselves
to lean hard into God through the continued wait. And most importantly through the whole
process of parenting our sons. We know
the power of prayer. We feel the blanket
of love through the people who continue to walk this journey with us. Much of our son’s journey will be
indescribably difficult. We will do our
very best to surround him with prayer and support. And hope that he will know, just as we know,
that faith can live in the conflict of emotions. That God is big enough for us to both trust
and question him. That his love is
strong enough to withstand confusion, anger and frustration. And that no matter what, God loves us and
finds us more valuable then we can ever imagine. This is the truth to which we will cling.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. Thank you for understanding that some days we
love to talk about where we are at with the adoption, and others we just cannot
muster the strength. Thank you for asking regardless and for praying faithfully
on our behalf.
