HERE WE GO AGAIN!!

At times it feels too soon to start this whole thing over again and yet at others it feels like it can’t come soon enough.  We were talking on the plane ride home from Ethiopia about how excited we were to do it all again.  Crazy we know, but when you love someone that much your reasoning skills are a bit impaired.  Thankfully, as always, God gave us the sense to let Bona get settled before we started the whole process again.  Well, he is settled now!  More than settled, this kid is amazing.  And so even in the midst of complete chaos (selling house and unsure where we will live next), Here we go again, and we honestly couldn't be any more thrilled.

With this process starting all over again we have been reminded of what an amazing support system we have.  It was that support that got us through Bona’s adoption with grace, humility, and patience.  So it is no surprise to us that people are already coming along side us as we are in the beginning stages of adoption #2.  And many people have had questions about how this time will be the same or different from Bona’s process.  So we thought we could compile a list for you.  Of course we will never know all the things until this adoption is complete, but below is a quick look at what we know now.

Things that are the same:

·  We are OVER THE MOON excited to bring a child into our family!!

·  We know without a shadow of a doubt that God has already chosen our child even though we don’t yet know who he is.

·  We would like to adopt another little boy!  Although God may have a little girl in mind, and that would be perfectly ok as well. 

·  We still have no idea if we can have biological children because we have not felt called to that and may never feel called to add to our family that way.

·  We are still just two people (plus one) seeking to do God’s will in our lives.  We are not some amazing altruistic family who deserves praise or admiration.  We just feel God’s nudge to adopt again and so we are letting him lead the way. (see here to read more about this.)

·  We still have lots of paperwork and bureaucracy (both US and Ethiopian) to get through before we can bring our child home.  But as we realized last time God works out all those details.  So it won’t change the frustrations but we do have more peace about all of these things working out.

·  We plan to stay in Ethiopia again for an extended period of time.  We were there a total of 9 weeks with Bona’s adoption.  And it was amazing!  We can’t wait to go back and see our friends. (see here to read more about our first time staying in Ethiopia)

·  We are going to need a lot of support and love along the way.  Even though we have a better idea of what is coming, it is still an emotional roller coaster   We will need prayers and shoulders to cry on, and friends to celebrate with in the moments of joy. (see here to read more about how our friends and family helped us through)

·  We still have no idea about the timing.  But again we have peace that the child waiting for us is already picked out and that God will work out the details.  It doesn't mean that we don’t want our child home right now, because we do!  It also doesn't mean that we won’t be frustrated by the timing, because every day we aren't with our son is another he is missing out on complete attention and love from his forever family.  And it is another day Bona has to go without being able to love on and get to know his big brother.  We will find joy in this time of waiting, but we may not always be happy about not having our son with us.

Things that are different:

·  We are using a different adoption agency.  Bona’s adoption was through Holt. This adoption will be through Bethany Christian Services.  If you are interested in adoption and would like to know why we switched we would be happy to talk to you more about the details.

·  Our next child will likely be older.  So Bona man will have a big brother. We are asking that Big Bro be no more than 3 years older than Bona so around 4 years of age. We are currently trying to teach him to say “Big Brother” see the video.

·  We have someone to occupy our time while we wait!  Having Bona certainly changes the dynamic.  As I mentioned before we still want to have our son home as soon as possible but having Bona will remind us why the wait is worth it!

·  We are open to more medical issues.  Before Bona we didn't know if we could handle certain medical problems.  But now that we have a child that we love more than life itself we realize that would not change if he had a medical issue!  We won’t go into the details too much, but if it comes up we will pray pray pray for God to guide us and show us which issues we can handle and which issues would be better cared for by another family.

·  This time around we also know a lot more about Ethiopia and the conditions our son will most likely be living in, which give us more peace of mind.  Although they were not ideal (no orphanage is) they were pretty great considering.  Bona got lots of love and attention, was well fed and well cared for and we pray that our next child is receiving the same.  In fact every time we pray we ask God for someone to give our child a hug or kiss.  We will never know if that is happening but God can do many things so it certainly doesn't hurt to ask!

·  Big Bro will not come from the same care center that Bona was living. (Unless God has some crazy plan in store)

·  And lastly the biggest difference is that we have a completely different perspective on life. We had NO IDEA how madly and deeply we would love our son. Of course we assumed a lot of things but we really had no idea!  It is that love and that desire to share it with another child that is driving this adoption.   

So whether you are reading our blog for the first time or you have been following our journey from the beginning, we pray that you read this with an open heart.  We are sharing and have shared our journey because it is evidence of God’s amazing power and blessing.  We are ordinary but our story is extraordinary because of what God has orchestrated.  That the logistics of adoption are worked out is a miracle in and of itself.  Not to mention a hundred other stories we could tell of God’s amazing hand at work.  We have never felt the love of God has clearly and profoundly as we did through the process of adoption and that is why we share!  We can’t keep something like that to ourselves.  And most importantly the reason we share our experience on this blog is because we hope it will inspire others to consider adoption for their families as well.  It doesn’t matter how old, young, wealthy, poor, married not married, God calls us to care for the orphans, JAMES 1:27. We hope that our story will spark something in you to pray and ask God how he can use you to care for those less fortunate.  Just prepare yourself because he might ask for something pretty big in return.  And if you answer we promise you will never regret your choice to follow hard after the Lord!  So here we go again!  And we pray that some of you may consider starting the same journey yourself!

Thank you just isn't enough!

Today we come to the end of a long road.  And it feels like there is so much to say, to explain, to justify, to understand, to reconcile, and to celebrate. But that is not what is on our hearts. There is really no way to sum up this part of our journey until we first recognize all the people who have helped us get here.  We could not have done this without all of you walking along this very unpredictable, bumpy, and sometimes painful road with us.  And now that we are standing at the end looking back, we can’t help but see all the people standing behind us cheering us on and celebrating our new family.  And although it is easy to see you now, we know there were times that the road was too dark to see you.  But it is clear now that you were there all along!

To our prayers warriors we say thank you from the bottom of our hearts!  You are a part of one of God’s great miracles.  It has been 2 years and 3 months since we started this process.  We estimate that it has taken over 50 people in 2 countries from our home study to our final sign off to complete this adoption.  Several 100 pieces of paper, 1 judge, 4 sets of finger prints, 10 nannies, 1 social worker, 1 case worker, 2 adoption units, 3 drivers, and finally we became a family of 3!  If you don’t consider that a miracle, I am not sure what is.  And every single one of you helped make it possible.  We have always believed in the power of prayer, we have just never been so closely immersed in such a blanket of love and community. We just can’t say it enough, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

"Thank you" in Amharic

To all of our family (blood and not, you know who you are) thank you for your support.  We know you were praying but you were also in the trenches with us.  From the support you showed when we first told you we were adopting to the preparations you are now making for our arrival, we thank God for you everyday!  You never judged us for the emotions we felt through out this process.  You grieved when we grieved you rejoiced when we rejoiced!  You didn’t always understand our emotions but you were there regardless.  You welcomed B into our family before we ever even knew his name.  You helped us prepare our home, our lives, and our hearts for a new addition!  To say that we are blessed is not enough, our cup runs over with immense joy.  We cannot wait to continue living life as a family of 3 because we know that B will be loved by so many!

Lastly we have to give an extra special thanks to Grandma Lisa.   She sacrificed a lot to be with us here in Ethiopia for a month.  The unconditional love and support you showed us can never be repaid!  Your willingness to put up with us was no easy task.  And the love you showed B is beyond what anyone deserves.  Without you and Grandpa Dennis this adoption would have been very difficult for us financially.  Your selflessness and generosity is unmatched by anyone we have ever known.  We can only pray that we will be as good of parents to B, as you are to us!

WE LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

8 lesson from my 8 month old

As my “cock-a-DUDE-all-doo” awoke me this morning with his squawks of joyful yelling I began to think about what it would look like if we all approached life with a more childlike attitude.  (In the name of full disclosure I will admit my demeanor and contemplativeness was not so happy when my little Dude awoke me at 10, 12 and 2 in the morning!)  So as I lay there for 30 minutes listening to the sound of B yell, talk, coo, and laugh I began compiling in my head all the lessons he has taught me in the last 2 weeks.  And because I found some of them challenging and profound I wanted to share them with you.  (And again in full disclosure, thinking about these wonderful things my son has taught also helps keep my mind off the wait!) 

So here they are:  8 lessons from my 8 month old

8. Don’t be afraid to find your voice.  And use it often once you do.

7. Make farting/ surbert noises with your mouth at inappropriate times.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, it will always be funny!

6. Eat when you are hungry and sleep when you are tired.

5. Laugh often!  Even if you have to fake it for a little while it almost always turns into real laughter.

4. Cry when you are sad or upset.  It is not a sign of weakness but an opportunity to show how much you need others.

3. Don’t be afraid to rely on people who are older and wiser than you.  They can teach you the ropes and help you avoid dangers that you may not understand yet.

2. Take time to play and interact with others.  Life is too short to be busy all the time.

1. Find joy in all circumstances.  Don’t let your surroundings determine your attitude.  If you have your family by your side and God in your heart you can tackle any challenge the world might bring.

Why did we choose to stay?

The day we found out about B, was without a doubt one of the happiest days of ours lives.  And we relished every moment of the day.  But there was one thing we learned that day that just never set well with us, a fact about B’s story that we would never be able to change, and it broke our hearts.  B was abandoned. 

We hadn’t even met our little guy yet, but already we ached for him, for the fact that he would always have a missing piece to his journey.  Of course we knew we would do everything possible to provide B with the best possible home.  And we knew part of that responsibility meant providing as much information for him as possible about his native country.  As to how we would do that we weren’t exactly sure.  The only thing we knew for certain was that providing him information from books and second hand sources didn’t feel adequate.

It was that desire in our hearts that led to very extensive prayer and got us asking the question, what would it take to stay in Ethiopia between the two visits?  We also asked ourselves what benefit would an extended stay be to our family and particularly B?  Well upon first look, the cons for staying quickly outweighed the pros.  Just to name a few, there was our jobs, our house, the money, the lack of contacts in Ethiopia…. the list goes on.  So in the face of such odds we did what we have done through this whole journey, ignored the world and turned to prayer.  We knew that if God wanted us to be in Ethiopia He would make a way.  And if you have been following our journey you know that is exactly what He did.  We have been in Ethiopia for 7 weeks now.  And to be honest the day we got on that plane to leave was a huge leap of faith!  We had one contact and a place to stay for 4 days!  From there it was all in God’s hands, an exciting but very scary feeling!!

Last Saturday I sat in room sharing a meal with over 20 of our friends that we have met in the last 7 weeks and I thought back to that day.  To the leap of faith it took to leave on a one way journey to a place unknown and trust that the Lord was in control!  I also couldn’t help but think of that sinking feeling in had in my stomach when we found out B was abandoned.  But there in that room as Mike, Grandma Lisa, B and I hosted an American meal for our Ethiopian friends, I felt assured, I felt content, and I felt excited!  God had done more than I ever could have imagined.  Not only did he provide countless opportunities for us to serve and get to know the Ethiopian culture, he had provided us with friends and family here in Ethiopia!  As I interviewed our friends and had them share a few things with B on video, my heart was full.  As I watched B move from lap to lap and arms to arms, I knew he was loved.  I knew he had a community here, I knew he would always have aunties and uncles in Ethiopia.  At that party God opened my eyes and revealed to me the most beautiful picture to the question above, “this my dear, is why you chose to stay!”

There are no words to say how blessed we are to have family here in Ethiopia.  Nothing could fully describe the feeling of knowing we have made friends for life.  And although we know B will still be missing pieces of his life puzzle, we feel confident that some of those holes will be filled by the amazing people we have met on this part of his journey.   

The Sounds of Sleep

We have now been here for over 5 weeks. We have lived in 3 different places and moved 4 different times.  Each place has been unique in its own right.  Our first and current guest house is what I would say is rather posh! The second and forth place we stayed in is homey and summer camp like (although still in the heart of Addis). The third place we stayed was comfortable and relaxing (to a certain extent, there was a 4 and 6 year old living in the house).  But the one thing that ties all of these places together is the night time.  Every night as we lay down to sleep with the lights off, we could be anywhere. The only thing that was certain each night is that the bed we lay in is not our own.  And some nights that is very hard. 

At the first place we were lulled to sleep by cows mooing and awaken by the loud speakers at the mosque.  The bed was very hard, but overall the newness of being here and jetlag helped us to sleep fairly well. 

At the second and fourth place we sung ourselves to sleep by singing along to the American music that was blasted every night from the bar adjacent.  And we were awoken by the hustle and bustle of the people outside on one of the busiest streets in Addis.  The bed was much more comfortable but the air always thick with smells and smog. 

At the third place we stayed we would mark the time in the night with the sound of the 11:00pm Ethiopian Air departure to D.C.  And we were awaken by a knock on the door with a four year old saying “Mike, Mandy are you awake?”  The bed was nice but being able to stay with a family was even better.  It felt a little bit more like home. 

At the fifth place we stayed things changed!  We no longer lay in bed at night being lulled by the uncertainty of our time here.  Nor were we kept awake by the aching to have our son with us.  But instead last night we experienced the most amazing sound we have heard since we arrived.  A sound that we felt we would never hear!  Yes, last night around midnight we were awaken by the sound of our son!  He cooed to himself then rolled over and smiled at us.  He is finally with us to stay!  We brought him home yesterday afternoon! 

We don’t know when we will be home!  We don’t know when we will go to court!  We don’t when we will receive B's passport! We don’t know when we will get a full night’s sleep again!  But we do know that none of that matters anymore!  We are complete now, our family is together forever!

Happy Mother's Day

As I stood up this morning in church with all the other mothers I felt tears roar to the surface.  So many emotions going through my head. And just as I thought my pain was caused by the absence of my sonY, I was handed a yellow rose. It was then that I understood with tears in my eyes and my mom favorite flower in my hand, it was my mom that I missed so much!  I stared at that yellow flower all service and thought of what an amazing mom I am blessed to have. And how I wish I could give her a yellow rose on this day. You see I miss my son, no I ache for my son everyday! But that emotion has become normal, recognizable, expected. The emotion I felt today was an aching for my mommy, for all the amazing women in my life that I have been missing while we have been here. It has been a month now since we arrived and on this day I felt sadness and joy together. As I think of how blessed excited and thankful I am for the many many great examples I have in my life of what a great mother looks like. And on this day Mike and I are especially reminded of our mothers. Of two women who would do anything and have already done so much for us. We love you both so much and we can't wait for Baby B to meet you both. And to our Grandmas and sisters and friends thank you also for showing us what motherhood is about. We love each of you, and miss you all so much. And in honor of my mother and mother in law I send each of you a (virtual) yellow rose. And I pray that you feel as honored and blessed as I did this morning.

Reminders

One of the greatest blessings of this journey has been the opportunity to spend time with each other. Any of you who know what our life has been like the last 3 years can understand that quality time together usually consisted of photoshoots and basketball games. Or school dances and wedding shoots. But here we have had the chance to just be.  Something both of us struggle with.  We are trying to enjoy and soak in this time before our lives are turned upside down.  And for the most part we are. But we are also still us, serving every morning and afternoon at two different missions, and now possibly three.  But in each one I see and appreciate even more why i married Mike and why I can't wait to raise a family with him.  I see him playing soccer with the boys in the morning and i know he will do the same with our kids some day.  I see him helping the kids in the afternoon with their homework and i know he will do the same with our kids. I see him " flying" our friends little boy around the church after service and i know he will do the same with our kids. I see him dancing around our room to celebrate our court decree and i know he will do the same for every celebration we have with our kids.  So again i am reminded that god has a plan for this time and many blessing to pour on us. But he also has some reminders for us. And one of the greatest reminders i have gotten on this trip is that there is no greater feeling than knowing your husband's love for his child is second only to his love for you.  And that reminder makes every day in Africa that much sweeter.  To quote one of my favorite movies, " my cup runith over"