Why did you decide to adopt?

As Mike and I have journeyed through the last 14 months of the adoption process there have been many questions asked of us and by us. They range from silly and inquisitive, to ignorant and inappropriate. Like when one of my students asked “are you going to tell your son he is adopted?” To which I responded with a chuckle,” I think he will know.” And after a long pause that student came back with, “oh yeah he is black and you are white.” This kind of question makes me laugh and remember that adoption is still a bit of an unknown to many people. And this lack of knowledge about adoption is what I try to remind myself of when people ask the not so funny questions, like “how much does your baby cost,” or “have you ever tried to have your own children?” To which I want to say, “That is none of your business” but instead try to answer politely and with some level of information that will educate them about adoption. So my answers are usually, “our baby is priceless, the paperwork and travel however can be expensive.” And to the question of our “own” children I simply respond, “We have not tried to have biological children, but if we do they will be no more or less our ‘own’ then our adopted children.” I in no way think people mean to be hurtful, because the majority of the time the questions are asked with sincere concern and the desire to know more about our journey. I simply wanted to share what we have experienced so far.

Of the many questions we have been asked about our adoption is always one that both excites me and scares me, “Why did you decide to adopt?” Wow, what a loaded question and one that requires considerable time and thought to answer! To be honest even after years of considering and over a year of being immersed in the process of adoption I still hesitate when I answer that question. Not because I don’t know the answer in my heart but because I don’t always know how to put it into words. And I am not sure if this blog post will do it justice either, but for my own sake and the sake of those who are walking along this journey with us I thought I would try. (I want to mention that, although I am writing from my own perspective, I know Mike shares much of the same sentiment).

One of the things I want to dispel before I tell you why we decided to adopt is that we are nothing special. Please do not mistake us for an altruistic couple who should be praised for their willingness to adopt a child from Africa. Although we clearly recognize that our child will have much more advantage with us then he might if he is not adopted, our motives are no different than any parent. We want a family just like our pregnant friends and our friends who choose adoption because they were unable to conceive. All who are part of the parenthood fraternity, no matter how we get there, choose to love our children with all of our being. The act of parenthood in and of itself is the most selfless thing a person can do, and an adoptive parent is no more or less selfless than all parents. And I am so thankful that the desire to have a family is not discriminatory, because it is comforting to know we are all headed towards the same goal, we just take different paths to get there.

So now that I have all that out there, “why did we decide to adopt?” I hate to build this all up, just to give a simple answer, but it is the only true and honest answer Mike and I can stand firm on without wavering.

So here it is… we decided to adopt… because, well, God called us to.

Sorry I don’t have glitzy answers or amazing promises of how great we are and how privileged our child will be to have us as parents, because quite honestly none of that holds up under the weight of inquisition and because we can make no such promise. Like everyone in the body of Christ we are simply living out each day hoping that for at least a few moments our eyes will be locked on the Lord and we will see clearly his path for us. At several points over the last 5 years of being married, both Mike and I have felt nudged by God that we should adopt. We can’t pinpoint exact moments, because the stirrings and presence of the Holy Spirit can rarely be narrowed down. So when the time came that we were ready to add another member to our family there was little doubt for either of us about what we needed to do next. That was last April, the beginning of our parenthood and adoption journey.

Some of you might also be wondering why we chose Ethiopia? Not surprising that answer is just as simple, God gave us a heart for Africa. When we spent 4 weeks at an orphanage in southern Kenya during the fall of 2007 the desire in our hearts to adopt grew very strong. How could they not, watching young girls and boys forced to raise themselves is one of the most difficult things we have ever done. I felt both comfort and absolute anguish simultaneously. Comfort as I watched the older children care for the young ones, and anguish in the same breath as I saw that they were robbed of their childhood, denied a chance to be loved by a parent, deprived of some most basic needs, and stripped of a carefree adolescents. It was during that time that Mike and I knew, although we can’t save all children from this fate we can save some. And so our desire to adopt and our heart for Africa collided over the beautiful nation of Ethiopia!

Many years later our journey continues, not without pain and frustration, but nonetheless clothed in joy! As we continue to seek what God calls all of us to in James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world,” we are so thankful for all the support we have received from our family and brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the most profound things that has come from this question of “why” is our realization that we are not so different from any other parent. Wouldn’t we all spend whatever material possession it took to bring a healthy child into our home? Wouldn’t we all fly around the world and back to bring home our baby if that’s what it took? Don’t we all as believers seek to live out God’s will for our life? We chose to adopt because that is God’s will for our lives and for our children’s lives.