A true picture of the Body of Christ.

As I sit here looking at my packed bags I find myself pondering the immense peace that is washing over me. Bona and I leave in just a matter of hours and yet I feel no worry, anxiety, or fear. God has been so faithful to get us this far, 3 years and He has always been clearly in control of this journey. I may not have liked everything but I never doubted His sovereignty. And now as I look out at my luggage I of course think of my sweet boy and the joy of the day that is coming so soon! I also find myself thinking about community, about the body of Christ. It says in 1 Peter 4:8-11 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." I love this verse! ( I better, it is tattooed on my arm). I love it because it is exactly what we have been experiencing the last few months. People in our community loving us deeply, offer hospitality, speaking the truth of God into our hearts, and serving us selflessly.

From friends who have stepped in to watch Bona to students praying for our son. We have faithfully seen Christ in and through and around our community. And the most amazing thing is they way our two communities, the one in Ethiopia and the one here in the states, have come together to support each other. That my friends is the body of Christ, people who don't even know each other tied together by their love for our one true King. Oh how I rejoice for they day that I can tell my son that at one point in his journey there were hundreds of people praying for him! None of whom had even met him yet. If that is not a testimony to the power of God's community I am not sure what is. Our son has been held up in prayer, he has been clothed by the generosity of friends and he has been loved by people both near and far.

This journey is about our son first and foremost. But I cannot help but see the amazing power of community that has made it happen. From the bags we have packed with gifts from our Seattle friends to our Ethiopian friends to the bag we carry for our Ethiopian friends who live in Seattle and are sending things to family in Ethiopia. I have watched two communities thousands of miles apart be brought together by one very special boy.  There is so much about this journey that is hard and impossible to understand, there is much sorrow and grief, but this part, the part where the body of Christ has done its part, this will be a great celebration for our family. Our sweet boy will know that he is loved. He will know that God has and will continue to bring many people into his life that will be models of God's great love. And we as a family will celebrate with intense joy that we are loved and prayed for by many. Thank will never be enough for the language lessons, the clothes, the meals, the genuine question, the prayers or the love.

In his Shoes

As we prepare for our long awaited trip to Ethiopia to complete our journey of becoming a family of four it feels like thousands of things are swimming around in my head.  I have a to-do list a mile long, which includes both things for the trip and things for the months after we arrive home.  And to be honest figuring something out doesn’t seem to satisfy my mind or heart.  They are both still fluttering and anxious most of the time.  I don’t feel accomplished or more prepared when I finish something on my mental list, I usually just wonder instead what else I am forgetting.  An endless cycle I have been going through for the last few months. At the end of each task I wonder is this enough?  Did I miss a step or forget to read the right book or contact the right people?  How can I possibly know what to expect? Am I really ready for what God has so clearly called our family to do?  Which is, by the way, the only thing I have not doubted in all of this.  I am still very sure that this is what God called us to two and half years ago.  But regardless of that peace of mind everything else swirls in endless craziness. So most of the time I fell utterly and completely overwhelmed and underprepared for the journey ahead.

And then I pause…. I take a deep breath…. And I think about my son.  Everything I am feeling is buffered by loving and supporting people, by a deep faith in a God who is bigger than all my worry, and an immense love for my son that is beyond description.  But he does not have all this as he prepares for his new family.  Yes he has people in his life that he trusts and who will walk him through this process.  But nothing that is running through my brain can compare to the emotions our son will feel.  Confusion, sadness, anxiety, joy, frustration, anger, happiness, probably all of these things at once and in confusing succession   Add to that goodbyes and new locations, not to mention a new language to learn. Plus countless more things that I will never be able to fully know.  How can anything I am feeling compare to what my son will have to go through to complete this journey?  It is indescribable how hard his part of this whole story will be to fulfill.  I truly believe that we will be a thriving and joyful family, but that will take time and effort that I am yet to understand. Our son will face immense trails to come to a place where he can fully love and trust that we are his forever family.  A weight far far greater than any worry I might have about the coming months.  A reality that I have to remind myself to remember in the midst of all my to-do’s and worrying.  Something that I am finally realizing must be my driving force.  I have to spend the next few months putting myself in my son’s shoes.  Making choices about our family, choices about our journey, and choices about my time and effort that reflect what is ultimately best for my new son.  The sweet boy God has entrusted to me will never see the efforts of a to-do or countless nights of worry, but he will eventually come to see the efforts of a mother who chose to put him first. 

So to all who continue to support us through prayer we ask again that you pray for our son.  He shall surely shoulder burdens and sadness beyond compare as he transitions into this new family.  He brings with him to this new life, a very important piece of himself, his old life.  Please pray that our sweet son may have the strength of God, the love of his family, and a confidence beyond his years as he begins to figure out how to hold tightly to his old life while experiencing fully his new life.  May God fill the days ahead with the right mix of emotions for us all to begin this forever bond.

Faith in Equal and Opposite Directions

How do you live your best life when the life you are living isn't your first choice?  How do you live fully in the day when your mind is preoccupied with something that has yet to happen?  How can you deeply love the people in your life when it always feels like someone is missing? 

This is our reality, for the second time and probably not the last.  We live in a place of great joy, we feel overwhelmingly blessed and incredibly thankful every day.  But we also feel lost and incomplete, often times in the same breath.  It is such a hard thing to describe, but anyone who has ever been called into a place of waiting knows what we are feeling.  Being clearly called by God to do something, but feeling so overwhelmingly frustrated by the time it takes for this calling to come to fruition.  How can God be so present and yet feel so far away?  We don’t know, we have no answer to why faith is so strangely conflicting.  Some days we lean into the frustration, we ask why and wonder where God is in all of the pain.  Others days we feel wrapped in the fold of God, protected and guided.  It makes no sense, but yet we feel a consistent joy. 

So even in the timing of our adoption we are in limbo.  Sometimes it looks hopefully that we will travel to bring our sweet boy home in July and other times it is clear that October is probably a more realistic timeline. We are asking for prayer for paperwork, officials, adoption workers, and nannies.  But as always our greatest prayer is for our son.

We also know full well, the conflict of emotions we feel now is nothing compared to what our son will experience.  The joy of a new family next to the immense sadness of losing a family.  The excitement of a new environment paired with desire for things to stay the same.  Wanting to be loved and valued but not understanding why a stranger would want to provide those things.  Having a little brother to share his childhood with but missing all of his friends at the care center.  There is no scenario where we can even begin to understand what our son will go through during the first few years of transitioning into our lives. 

So, just as we have done so far, we are preparing ourselves to lean hard into God through the continued wait.  And most importantly through the whole process of parenting our sons.  We know the power of prayer.  We feel the blanket of love through the people who continue to walk this journey with us.  Much of our son’s journey will be indescribably difficult.  We will do our very best to surround him with prayer and support.  And hope that he will know, just as we know, that faith can live in the conflict of emotions.  That God is big enough for us to both trust and question him.  That his love is strong enough to withstand confusion, anger and frustration.  And that no matter what, God loves us and finds us more valuable then we can ever imagine.  This is the truth to which we will cling.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  Thank you for understanding that some days we love to talk about where we are at with the adoption, and others we just cannot muster the strength. Thank you for asking regardless and for praying faithfully on our behalf.

Stew

Many people have asked Mike and me in the last few weeks how things are going with our adoption or how they can be praying for us. And we are so incredibly thankful for your support. We also don’t always know how to respond or what to say in that moment, so we wanted to give you a little better idea of what is going on. 

Logistically we hope to leave for Ethiopia sometime in the next 3 months.  We have been told we may have as short as a week’s notice to travel.  We are also currently trying to find ways to raise a little more money and we are still in the throes of paperwork.  Emotional, we are a big stew of excitement, joy, fear, frustration, happiness, smiles and tears.  And with each bite of reality we find ourselves mulling over which flavor will be most prevalent in that moment.  But like a good stew, most bites are an indistinguishable blend of everything.  We know that every emotion is working together, flavoring this experience from beginning to end.  That doesn't change the fact some bites are harder to stomach than others.

So how did we get to this place, to eating this stew of mixed emotions on a daily, no hourly basis? To put it simply, we said yes. We agreed to let God take us down a path of faith and trust without knowing what the road ahead would hold. We decide that God had a far superior handle on how and when our family would be formed. And we trusted that no matter how uncomfortable our faith would feel at times, God is always planted firmly in the middle of it all.

It is through this faithfulness that we arrived here. Here being, right in the middle of a long adoption process with a half-finished house, half sane minds, and completely full hearts. We are near the end of this process but more importantly approaching the beginning of our life as a family of four. And much like the advice people give to prepare for a marriage not a wedding, we find ourselves reckoning each day not only with the paperwork and logistics of bringing home our son but also the reality of the events that necessitated this adoption in the first place. The logistics are extremely stressful, the potential of receiving only a weeks’ notice to travel, figuring out what we will do for both of our jobs and praying that the money and resources we need will be available when we really need them. All of it sends us into a flurry of emotions. But the truth is, the greatest struggle we have experienced in these last few months has nothing to do with those things. I think because deep down we know God is taking care of them, we know because he always has. Maybe not in the way we expected, but in 10 years of being together we have hundreds of examples where God has done, well, what God does. Stepped in and blew us away with his love and provision and grace and mercy. So as much as we wish all the pieces would fall into place, this is not what bring us to our knees, this is not our greatest pray. 

What brings us to our knees, what exposes the raw fleshy parts of our being and drains us of the ability to think straight, is the reality of why and how our sons came to be a part of our family. Adoption has and will continue to be the most joyful thing either of us have ever experienced. It is the closest we will ever come to understanding how God could accept us into his family with so much grace and love. But not unlike Paul or Job or David or Ruth and Naomi, we know full well the joy of the Lord does not mean a life devoid of pain and suffering. In fact James tells us “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” We know all this, we trust that God is faithful, we pray that our boys will someday feel the completeness that only God can gives them, but our hearts still ache. The tears always on the edge of our eye lids and the pain hidden just below the surface. 

So how can you pray for us? Pray for our boys. Pray that they will feel comfortable grieving when they feel the weight of all they have lost. Pray that they will know it is ok to feel incomplete. Pray that they will not feel isolated or different when everyone else has a family tree or baby pictures, or family history. Pray that God would fill the places in their hearts that we as parents can never understand. Pray that they will believe they are valuable and that they will know that they are loved. Pray that they will know it is ok to be mad about the loss of their first family. Pray that they will know that their identity is complicated and it is ok if they don’t want to talk about it or explain it to every person who asks. Pray that above all else, in this very unideal situation that they would believe truly and wholly that God is big enough. That God knows their hurt and shares in their joys and he does not expect them to deal with this part of their life in any way but what they see is best. That they don’t have to be happy or grateful if they instead feel sad and angry for what they lost. Pray that the journey of our boys will be in God’s hands and his hands alone. 

Thank you for loving us enough to pray for our sweet boys and in particular our oldest, who is about to experience an extremely hard transition into life as our son. It will surely be filled with many moments of great joy and happiness but also moments of great sadness and frustration. The stew of life I suppose.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!

At times it feels too soon to start this whole thing over again and yet at others it feels like it can’t come soon enough.  We were talking on the plane ride home from Ethiopia about how excited we were to do it all again.  Crazy we know, but when you love someone that much your reasoning skills are a bit impaired.  Thankfully, as always, God gave us the sense to let Bona get settled before we started the whole process again.  Well, he is settled now!  More than settled, this kid is amazing.  And so even in the midst of complete chaos (selling house and unsure where we will live next), Here we go again, and we honestly couldn't be any more thrilled.

With this process starting all over again we have been reminded of what an amazing support system we have.  It was that support that got us through Bona’s adoption with grace, humility, and patience.  So it is no surprise to us that people are already coming along side us as we are in the beginning stages of adoption #2.  And many people have had questions about how this time will be the same or different from Bona’s process.  So we thought we could compile a list for you.  Of course we will never know all the things until this adoption is complete, but below is a quick look at what we know now.

Things that are the same:

·  We are OVER THE MOON excited to bring a child into our family!!

·  We know without a shadow of a doubt that God has already chosen our child even though we don’t yet know who he is.

·  We would like to adopt another little boy!  Although God may have a little girl in mind, and that would be perfectly ok as well. 

·  We still have no idea if we can have biological children because we have not felt called to that and may never feel called to add to our family that way.

·  We are still just two people (plus one) seeking to do God’s will in our lives.  We are not some amazing altruistic family who deserves praise or admiration.  We just feel God’s nudge to adopt again and so we are letting him lead the way. (see here to read more about this.)

·  We still have lots of paperwork and bureaucracy (both US and Ethiopian) to get through before we can bring our child home.  But as we realized last time God works out all those details.  So it won’t change the frustrations but we do have more peace about all of these things working out.

·  We plan to stay in Ethiopia again for an extended period of time.  We were there a total of 9 weeks with Bona’s adoption.  And it was amazing!  We can’t wait to go back and see our friends. (see here to read more about our first time staying in Ethiopia)

·  We are going to need a lot of support and love along the way.  Even though we have a better idea of what is coming, it is still an emotional roller coaster   We will need prayers and shoulders to cry on, and friends to celebrate with in the moments of joy. (see here to read more about how our friends and family helped us through)

·  We still have no idea about the timing.  But again we have peace that the child waiting for us is already picked out and that God will work out the details.  It doesn't mean that we don’t want our child home right now, because we do!  It also doesn't mean that we won’t be frustrated by the timing, because every day we aren't with our son is another he is missing out on complete attention and love from his forever family.  And it is another day Bona has to go without being able to love on and get to know his big brother.  We will find joy in this time of waiting, but we may not always be happy about not having our son with us.

Things that are different:

·  We are using a different adoption agency.  Bona’s adoption was through Holt. This adoption will be through Bethany Christian Services.  If you are interested in adoption and would like to know why we switched we would be happy to talk to you more about the details.

·  Our next child will likely be older.  So Bona man will have a big brother. We are asking that Big Bro be no more than 3 years older than Bona so around 4 years of age. We are currently trying to teach him to say “Big Brother” see the video.

·  We have someone to occupy our time while we wait!  Having Bona certainly changes the dynamic.  As I mentioned before we still want to have our son home as soon as possible but having Bona will remind us why the wait is worth it!

·  We are open to more medical issues.  Before Bona we didn't know if we could handle certain medical problems.  But now that we have a child that we love more than life itself we realize that would not change if he had a medical issue!  We won’t go into the details too much, but if it comes up we will pray pray pray for God to guide us and show us which issues we can handle and which issues would be better cared for by another family.

·  This time around we also know a lot more about Ethiopia and the conditions our son will most likely be living in, which give us more peace of mind.  Although they were not ideal (no orphanage is) they were pretty great considering.  Bona got lots of love and attention, was well fed and well cared for and we pray that our next child is receiving the same.  In fact every time we pray we ask God for someone to give our child a hug or kiss.  We will never know if that is happening but God can do many things so it certainly doesn't hurt to ask!

·  Big Bro will not come from the same care center that Bona was living. (Unless God has some crazy plan in store)

·  And lastly the biggest difference is that we have a completely different perspective on life. We had NO IDEA how madly and deeply we would love our son. Of course we assumed a lot of things but we really had no idea!  It is that love and that desire to share it with another child that is driving this adoption.   

So whether you are reading our blog for the first time or you have been following our journey from the beginning, we pray that you read this with an open heart.  We are sharing and have shared our journey because it is evidence of God’s amazing power and blessing.  We are ordinary but our story is extraordinary because of what God has orchestrated.  That the logistics of adoption are worked out is a miracle in and of itself.  Not to mention a hundred other stories we could tell of God’s amazing hand at work.  We have never felt the love of God has clearly and profoundly as we did through the process of adoption and that is why we share!  We can’t keep something like that to ourselves.  And most importantly the reason we share our experience on this blog is because we hope it will inspire others to consider adoption for their families as well.  It doesn’t matter how old, young, wealthy, poor, married not married, God calls us to care for the orphans, JAMES 1:27. We hope that our story will spark something in you to pray and ask God how he can use you to care for those less fortunate.  Just prepare yourself because he might ask for something pretty big in return.  And if you answer we promise you will never regret your choice to follow hard after the Lord!  So here we go again!  And we pray that some of you may consider starting the same journey yourself!

Thank you just isn't enough!

Today we come to the end of a long road.  And it feels like there is so much to say, to explain, to justify, to understand, to reconcile, and to celebrate. But that is not what is on our hearts. There is really no way to sum up this part of our journey until we first recognize all the people who have helped us get here.  We could not have done this without all of you walking along this very unpredictable, bumpy, and sometimes painful road with us.  And now that we are standing at the end looking back, we can’t help but see all the people standing behind us cheering us on and celebrating our new family.  And although it is easy to see you now, we know there were times that the road was too dark to see you.  But it is clear now that you were there all along!

To our prayers warriors we say thank you from the bottom of our hearts!  You are a part of one of God’s great miracles.  It has been 2 years and 3 months since we started this process.  We estimate that it has taken over 50 people in 2 countries from our home study to our final sign off to complete this adoption.  Several 100 pieces of paper, 1 judge, 4 sets of finger prints, 10 nannies, 1 social worker, 1 case worker, 2 adoption units, 3 drivers, and finally we became a family of 3!  If you don’t consider that a miracle, I am not sure what is.  And every single one of you helped make it possible.  We have always believed in the power of prayer, we have just never been so closely immersed in such a blanket of love and community. We just can’t say it enough, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

"Thank you" in Amharic

To all of our family (blood and not, you know who you are) thank you for your support.  We know you were praying but you were also in the trenches with us.  From the support you showed when we first told you we were adopting to the preparations you are now making for our arrival, we thank God for you everyday!  You never judged us for the emotions we felt through out this process.  You grieved when we grieved you rejoiced when we rejoiced!  You didn’t always understand our emotions but you were there regardless.  You welcomed B into our family before we ever even knew his name.  You helped us prepare our home, our lives, and our hearts for a new addition!  To say that we are blessed is not enough, our cup runs over with immense joy.  We cannot wait to continue living life as a family of 3 because we know that B will be loved by so many!

Lastly we have to give an extra special thanks to Grandma Lisa.   She sacrificed a lot to be with us here in Ethiopia for a month.  The unconditional love and support you showed us can never be repaid!  Your willingness to put up with us was no easy task.  And the love you showed B is beyond what anyone deserves.  Without you and Grandpa Dennis this adoption would have been very difficult for us financially.  Your selflessness and generosity is unmatched by anyone we have ever known.  We can only pray that we will be as good of parents to B, as you are to us!

WE LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

8 lesson from my 8 month old

As my “cock-a-DUDE-all-doo” awoke me this morning with his squawks of joyful yelling I began to think about what it would look like if we all approached life with a more childlike attitude.  (In the name of full disclosure I will admit my demeanor and contemplativeness was not so happy when my little Dude awoke me at 10, 12 and 2 in the morning!)  So as I lay there for 30 minutes listening to the sound of B yell, talk, coo, and laugh I began compiling in my head all the lessons he has taught me in the last 2 weeks.  And because I found some of them challenging and profound I wanted to share them with you.  (And again in full disclosure, thinking about these wonderful things my son has taught also helps keep my mind off the wait!) 

So here they are:  8 lessons from my 8 month old

8. Don’t be afraid to find your voice.  And use it often once you do.

7. Make farting/ surbert noises with your mouth at inappropriate times.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, it will always be funny!

6. Eat when you are hungry and sleep when you are tired.

5. Laugh often!  Even if you have to fake it for a little while it almost always turns into real laughter.

4. Cry when you are sad or upset.  It is not a sign of weakness but an opportunity to show how much you need others.

3. Don’t be afraid to rely on people who are older and wiser than you.  They can teach you the ropes and help you avoid dangers that you may not understand yet.

2. Take time to play and interact with others.  Life is too short to be busy all the time.

1. Find joy in all circumstances.  Don’t let your surroundings determine your attitude.  If you have your family by your side and God in your heart you can tackle any challenge the world might bring.

Why did we choose to stay?

The day we found out about B, was without a doubt one of the happiest days of ours lives.  And we relished every moment of the day.  But there was one thing we learned that day that just never set well with us, a fact about B’s story that we would never be able to change, and it broke our hearts.  B was abandoned. 

We hadn’t even met our little guy yet, but already we ached for him, for the fact that he would always have a missing piece to his journey.  Of course we knew we would do everything possible to provide B with the best possible home.  And we knew part of that responsibility meant providing as much information for him as possible about his native country.  As to how we would do that we weren’t exactly sure.  The only thing we knew for certain was that providing him information from books and second hand sources didn’t feel adequate.

It was that desire in our hearts that led to very extensive prayer and got us asking the question, what would it take to stay in Ethiopia between the two visits?  We also asked ourselves what benefit would an extended stay be to our family and particularly B?  Well upon first look, the cons for staying quickly outweighed the pros.  Just to name a few, there was our jobs, our house, the money, the lack of contacts in Ethiopia…. the list goes on.  So in the face of such odds we did what we have done through this whole journey, ignored the world and turned to prayer.  We knew that if God wanted us to be in Ethiopia He would make a way.  And if you have been following our journey you know that is exactly what He did.  We have been in Ethiopia for 7 weeks now.  And to be honest the day we got on that plane to leave was a huge leap of faith!  We had one contact and a place to stay for 4 days!  From there it was all in God’s hands, an exciting but very scary feeling!!

Last Saturday I sat in room sharing a meal with over 20 of our friends that we have met in the last 7 weeks and I thought back to that day.  To the leap of faith it took to leave on a one way journey to a place unknown and trust that the Lord was in control!  I also couldn’t help but think of that sinking feeling in had in my stomach when we found out B was abandoned.  But there in that room as Mike, Grandma Lisa, B and I hosted an American meal for our Ethiopian friends, I felt assured, I felt content, and I felt excited!  God had done more than I ever could have imagined.  Not only did he provide countless opportunities for us to serve and get to know the Ethiopian culture, he had provided us with friends and family here in Ethiopia!  As I interviewed our friends and had them share a few things with B on video, my heart was full.  As I watched B move from lap to lap and arms to arms, I knew he was loved.  I knew he had a community here, I knew he would always have aunties and uncles in Ethiopia.  At that party God opened my eyes and revealed to me the most beautiful picture to the question above, “this my dear, is why you chose to stay!”

There are no words to say how blessed we are to have family here in Ethiopia.  Nothing could fully describe the feeling of knowing we have made friends for life.  And although we know B will still be missing pieces of his life puzzle, we feel confident that some of those holes will be filled by the amazing people we have met on this part of his journey.   

The Sounds of Sleep

We have now been here for over 5 weeks. We have lived in 3 different places and moved 4 different times.  Each place has been unique in its own right.  Our first and current guest house is what I would say is rather posh! The second and forth place we stayed in is homey and summer camp like (although still in the heart of Addis). The third place we stayed was comfortable and relaxing (to a certain extent, there was a 4 and 6 year old living in the house).  But the one thing that ties all of these places together is the night time.  Every night as we lay down to sleep with the lights off, we could be anywhere. The only thing that was certain each night is that the bed we lay in is not our own.  And some nights that is very hard. 

At the first place we were lulled to sleep by cows mooing and awaken by the loud speakers at the mosque.  The bed was very hard, but overall the newness of being here and jetlag helped us to sleep fairly well. 

At the second and fourth place we sung ourselves to sleep by singing along to the American music that was blasted every night from the bar adjacent.  And we were awoken by the hustle and bustle of the people outside on one of the busiest streets in Addis.  The bed was much more comfortable but the air always thick with smells and smog. 

At the third place we stayed we would mark the time in the night with the sound of the 11:00pm Ethiopian Air departure to D.C.  And we were awaken by a knock on the door with a four year old saying “Mike, Mandy are you awake?”  The bed was nice but being able to stay with a family was even better.  It felt a little bit more like home. 

At the fifth place we stayed things changed!  We no longer lay in bed at night being lulled by the uncertainty of our time here.  Nor were we kept awake by the aching to have our son with us.  But instead last night we experienced the most amazing sound we have heard since we arrived.  A sound that we felt we would never hear!  Yes, last night around midnight we were awaken by the sound of our son!  He cooed to himself then rolled over and smiled at us.  He is finally with us to stay!  We brought him home yesterday afternoon! 

We don’t know when we will be home!  We don’t know when we will go to court!  We don’t when we will receive B's passport! We don’t know when we will get a full night’s sleep again!  But we do know that none of that matters anymore!  We are complete now, our family is together forever!

Happy Mother's Day

As I stood up this morning in church with all the other mothers I felt tears roar to the surface.  So many emotions going through my head. And just as I thought my pain was caused by the absence of my sonY, I was handed a yellow rose. It was then that I understood with tears in my eyes and my mom favorite flower in my hand, it was my mom that I missed so much!  I stared at that yellow flower all service and thought of what an amazing mom I am blessed to have. And how I wish I could give her a yellow rose on this day. You see I miss my son, no I ache for my son everyday! But that emotion has become normal, recognizable, expected. The emotion I felt today was an aching for my mommy, for all the amazing women in my life that I have been missing while we have been here. It has been a month now since we arrived and on this day I felt sadness and joy together. As I think of how blessed excited and thankful I am for the many many great examples I have in my life of what a great mother looks like. And on this day Mike and I are especially reminded of our mothers. Of two women who would do anything and have already done so much for us. We love you both so much and we can't wait for Baby B to meet you both. And to our Grandmas and sisters and friends thank you also for showing us what motherhood is about. We love each of you, and miss you all so much. And in honor of my mother and mother in law I send each of you a (virtual) yellow rose. And I pray that you feel as honored and blessed as I did this morning.

Reminders

One of the greatest blessings of this journey has been the opportunity to spend time with each other. Any of you who know what our life has been like the last 3 years can understand that quality time together usually consisted of photoshoots and basketball games. Or school dances and wedding shoots. But here we have had the chance to just be.  Something both of us struggle with.  We are trying to enjoy and soak in this time before our lives are turned upside down.  And for the most part we are. But we are also still us, serving every morning and afternoon at two different missions, and now possibly three.  But in each one I see and appreciate even more why i married Mike and why I can't wait to raise a family with him.  I see him playing soccer with the boys in the morning and i know he will do the same with our kids some day.  I see him helping the kids in the afternoon with their homework and i know he will do the same with our kids. I see him " flying" our friends little boy around the church after service and i know he will do the same with our kids. I see him dancing around our room to celebrate our court decree and i know he will do the same for every celebration we have with our kids.  So again i am reminded that god has a plan for this time and many blessing to pour on us. But he also has some reminders for us. And one of the greatest reminders i have gotten on this trip is that there is no greater feeling than knowing your husband's love for his child is second only to his love for you.  And that reminder makes every day in Africa that much sweeter.  To quote one of my favorite movies, " my cup runith over"

11 Days and 10 Highlights

So we have been in Ethiopia for 11 days. And there has been a lot going on to say the least!  We have been trying to keep up with our journal in more detail. But with a lack of internet access after moving guesthouses, we have been unable to keep up with the blog. So instead of trying to put a whole lot of emotions and experinces into a giant blog post we are opting for the condensed top ten list. We know you all just read the highlights anyway :)  10. Meeting a 72 year old man on the street and being ask to coffee with him and his wife and his wife's mother.  He went to the states when Kennedy was president. And has lived through 4 different Ethiopian governments. His english was pretty good so it made for insightful conversation! 9. Walking many many kilometers everyday and getting to know Addis and the streets better ( well Mandy anyway, Mike is still lost half the time) 8. Being reminded of God's faithfulness and provision.  Of course this has happened in many ways. But the most tangible was a few days ago when we went to pay for our coffee and internet access and realized we didn't have enough money with us. We were supposed to be at lunch in 15 min. And our guesthouse was 15 min away. Needless to say, it was not a good situation. So Mike began to walk as fast as he could back to the guesthouse ( a scary thing considering the afore mentioned lack of directional knowledge). He could get no more than 100 ft from the coffee shop and some people we had met just that morning passed him on the street in their car.  We were able to borrow money and get to lunch on time. A small but to us powerful reminder that God is bigger than circumstance!! Addis is 50 kilometers in diameter, and they met at the exact right time. God's good and perfect timing! 7. Meeting 3 other adoptive families from Holt and getting to be there when they met their little ones for the first time. 6. Getting to see Baby B again when on the above trip with the other families :) he once again fell dead asleep right in the middle of eating and stayed that way for at least and hour, even in the midst of all the noise. God, thank you for a good sleeper! 5. Playing with the kids at the drop in center where we volunteer in the mornings. They are all street kids ( meaning they sleep and live on the street, with no family ). Mike has really enjoyed playing soccer/ football with them each morning. And Mandy has enjoyed teaching a few lessons. The kids have so much love to give. But they are also still very hardened by their lifestyle. Please pray for these boys and their future! Some of them are only 9 years old!  Can you imagine your 4th grader fending for himself on the streets? 4. Working with the kids at the after school tutoring program where we go in the evening.  A very different dynamic from the drop in center. We wouldn't say these kids have a lot, but they have a family, which makes a world of difference!  We are mostly helping with basic english. But Mike has quickly become a Math tutor for the older students and Mandy has enjoyed working with an amazing young artist. Ashenofi is quite advanced, he drew a portrait of Mike last night in about 20 mins. It was better than what most can do in 4 hours!  They are all amazing and so fun to be around. And they make sure our Amharic is said correctly. It is questionable as to whether we are learning Amharic from them or if they are learning English from us.  We are pretty sure it is the first! 3. Meeting two young people at our new guesthouse. Josh, a photographer working with a non- profit organization that helps take pictures for NGOs at little to no cost. And Misty, a missionary and counselor. She lives in Zimbabwe most of the year, but is here in Addis for 2 months.  Through our meeting, they invited us to take a day trip to the north with them.  We were able to see the oldest Ethiopian monestary, built in 1960. Doesn't seem too old, but all the other were burned or destroyed.  It is part ofthe Ethiopian orthodox church. It was great to get out of Addis and see a different part ofthe country.  Believe it or not, minus the altitude, it looked much like eastern washington! Oh during our trip our driver was able to stop and work out a deal for Josh to ride someone's horse! It was funny, crazy, and the most money that man had made in one day in a long time! But hey who wouldn't pay 10 bucks to say they rode a horse in the middle of Ethiopia! 2.  Meeting so many amazing people! It would take us 10 blog posts to tell you about all the amazing men and women that we have meet. Each one so kind and generous. From helping us find a place to stay or volunteer, to driving us around the city. Or even inviting us to their wedding! Yes, we are going to an Ethiopian wedding tomorrow! God has just been so good to provide us with connections and he has been faithful to bring us friends! All of which has confirmed that we heard God right when we decided to stay in Ethiopia! 1. We got our court decree!!!!!! Per Ethiopian law Baby B is officially our son!!  There are still many steps left with the US embassy and we won't take custody until those are completed. But another step in the right direction! So again thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! We can not tell you how much it means to us, our family feels so covered in prayer.  And we challenge you to see the signs of God's faithfullness today! And listen hard and intently for his calling. Because as we are finding out, God 's plans hold amazing and unexpected blessings that will change your life forever. Love him and trust in him and you will not be disappointed!

Ethiopian Court - Two Worlds Collide

Today Mandy and I had our court date with the Ethiopian government.  There were so many things told to us by our adoption agency of how to prepare for the meeting but nothing could truly prepare you for what we experienced.  This morning we woke up around 6am and got all dressed up in our one nice outfit.
Over the last couple days of playing with our son it was very tough for me thinking about our court date and what if we didn't pass.  Not passing meant not being with our son for even longer.  The stress was really working overtime in my mind.

We got picked up by our driver and drove to our adoption agency where we met with the lawyer that goes with all the adopting families.  He sat down with us and briefed us on how the meeting would go.  He told us all the potential questions the judge could ask.  He emphasized that there were no wrong answers and the court date is more to have us physically in Ethiopia and answering the most important question, "do you want to adopt your son?"  Even though there are no wrong answers all I could think about at that moment was, "what if I say something stupid or give the first 'wrong' answer?"  Mandy laughed at me when I told her I was thinking this.

After meeting at the adoption agency office we drove to where court was.  We walked up about 4 flights of stairs and into a hot waiting room with about 10 other families that were adopting.  In addition to these families were also Ethiopian families that were relinquishing their child.  This part of the process was heartbreaking as we waited.  You could see the look of excitement and happiness in the faces of those adopting while on the flip side you saw sadness and hearts breaking from the Ethiopian families.  There were two different worlds being thrust into the same room to experience very different emotions.  We quietly waited there for about 30 minutes as families were being called in.  There was no rhyme or reason as to who got called in.  I tried to stay calm but was very nervous (Mandy was fine).  Finally the child care center name where our son is was called which meant it was our turn.  Our lawyer walked into the room and then quickly whisked us in with him.  We handed our passports to the judge's assistant and sat down on the chairs at the back of the room.

The room was a very long room and the judge was almost 20 feet away from us.  She started to ask us many of the questions that we were told back at the adoption agency which we answered with a smile.  After about 4-5 questions the judge told us that this decision is final and is irrevocable if we decide to continue.  If we decide to continue and then back out later that means that our son could never be adopted by another family.  She asked us, "are you willing to accept responsibility for this boy and be his adoptive parents?"  We of course said, "YES!"  She responded, "well he is yours!"  I smiled instantly and wanted to run across the room and high five the judge and dance on her desk.  I'm guessing she wouldn't have liked that.  We left the room politely saying "thank you" in Amharic.

A wave of stress lifted off of my shoulders as we heard her say those words.  He is ours and no one can take that away from us!  Now we are one step closer to bringing our son home! 

Joy and sorrow in the same breath

How does one even begin to write about such a day? How do we put into words the experience of meeting our son for the first time? How do we describe the journey from paperwork to meeting, from calling to reality, from America to Ethiopia? To be honest we are not entirely sure. But we will try to describe it for you the best way we know how. Be warned, although this post is mostly about our beautiful baby boy, it is also about the reality of where we are and of the circumstances that make adoption necessary at all. We can honestly say that never in our lives have we felt sheer joy and sheer heartache in the same breath. We did not know it was possible to have both love overflowing and grief overwhelming. So please bear with us this post may teeter between two very mixed emotions. But considering the circumstance both seem entirely necessary and also unavoidable.

The day we meet our son will forever be one of the most amazing days of our family’s life. It was a moment we have waited for so long. A day, at times, we thought may never arrive. But to be totally honest the preparation it took to be able to leave home for 2 months left us little space to imagine or even speculate what this day would look like. But at some point in the process we probably thought it would be like the beautiful videos we had seen of other families adopting. You know with music playing in the background and two parents sitting poised and ready to meet their child. They come in as they are handed over it all happens in slow motion and tears form in the parents eyes, and the baby laughs as they hold him for the first time, pretty perfect right? Well……. our meeting was not like this, not at all in fact. But it was perfect nonetheless. And in fact much more suited to us than the videos we had seen. It was very laid back, almost nonchalant you could say. As if we had been there many times and it was common knowledge that this was our son.

It went kind of like this…. We showed up at the place (down a very narrow unnamed road) and our adoption “host” (she works for our organization) tapped on the large metal gate. No one came so our driver tapped louder. Someone opened the gate that lead into a small courtyard. We were taken to the nurse’s office, (a small out building near the care center) there we meet the main nurse/care taker for the center. We introduced ourselves, she lead us out of the office and over to the care center. We stepped into a small room, about the size our living room. The far wall had side by side cribs lining it and there were two couches to sit on. And before we could even sit down or for that matter set our stuff down a nanny came in and handed Mike our baby boy. No music, no slow motion and no tears… it was perfect! (We didn’t even have time to take out the video camera) As Mike held him we tried to take it all in, we hugged and kissed him. We talked to him and made funny noises. The nannies stayed, the nurse stayed, there were little ones underfoot and babies crying in the background… it was perfect! We went into the adjacent playroom, also about the sizes of our living room, but every wall had side by side cribs… it was perfect. We put our baby boy down with all the other kids and he lay on his tummy. He also showed off his rolling over skills for us! Babies cried in the background others smiled and watched us, and one little girl crawled all over baby boy, he didn’t seem to mind… it was perfect! After a while we took him back to the couches to sit. One of the nannies came over and tickled him and he let out lots of big laughs and smiles. In fact that is what he did for the whole 2 hours we were there… it was perfect! We took him out into the court yard and some little ones came over to see us. They began giving him kisses and touching his soft hair. Baby boy made a few scrunchy faces but in general was not bothered by the little finger and lips that were so eager to love on him… it was perfect. The older children came out later and began to play football (soccer). We watched for a little bit then went back inside for a softer seat than the concrete step. Baby lay in Mike’s lap and played for a bit, then began to stare into space. As we watched the nannies put all the other kids in bed it become obvious that Baby was tired too. Mandy rocked him for maybe two minutes before he was asleep in her arms, oblivious and undeterred by the chaos of crying around him. We both agreed that maybe it was not a sleep machine he needs but a recording of the care center. After he woke up we feed him an orange colored puree. Which we found out was fish, onions, garlic and a few other vegetables… it was perfect (and a little weirdJ, garlic?!?!) After that Mike held Baby boy and Mandy helped feed one of the other babies. We both said our goodbyes and kissed Baby goodbye. We laid him in the crib and for the first time heard him cry. Those were first tears of the day for all three of us… it was perfect but also very very hard!

In general the only word that really describes the day is surreal. We sat together in our guesthouse and ask what the other one thought. There weren’t many words exchanged, as neither of us knew quite what to say. We were both pleasantly surprised by what a happy baby he was. And shocked at how big and different he looked from the first picture we got. We agreed that at times it felt very natural, like he was “our son” but at other times it felt like we were just holding a baby in the care center. There were moments of sheer love and excitement as well as moments of concern. We loved every moment and yet it was a sort of an out of body experience.

The center it self was pretty small. About twenty babies from infant to 2 years living in three adjoined rooms that combine to about 10’ by 40’ in size. (there was a larger area where the bigger kids stayed as well) Considering the fact there were twenty plus kids living in such a confined space it was clean and well maintained. And the nannies were very good with the babies. A baby did not cry for long or have a runny nose or a stinky diaper for very long. The nannies were very attentive to their needs. They were also very kind and welcoming to us. The outside of the center had a few small courtyards were the kids could play. And there were little ones running around most of the time! It was the little ones at foot that made the second days visit one of a very different kind of emotion.

The second day we went with the doctor to the care center. Once we arrived we were greeted by a new set of nannies. We took Baby boy into the nurse’s offices with our medical doctor (she works for our agency not the care center). She went through all the updated medical information, and as it was before, everything looked good. He was growing and had all his immunizations done. We had no real questions or concerns for her. Although later Mike did want to ask about a spot on his bum, which the doctor confirmed was diaper rash. I guess it was more convincing coming from the doctor than his wife J. Overall, we consider ourselves and Baby very blessed, as he is healthy and very happy! After our medical visit we were able to spend a few more hours with him. The events were much like the day before. Playing, laughing, eating, and a little bit of sleeping. But there was something different about this day. You see today, whoever was not holding Baby could not be found right next to the other as they were the day before. Instead you could find them two sometimes three kids deep. There was bouncing and tickling and games! We of course caught glimpses of Baby if we weren’t holding him but most of our attention was focused on a growing crowd of little ones. They carried around Mandy’s bag and yelled “mama” or “papa”. On the whole Mandy happily lost 5 pens, a small flash light and her sunglasses to the kids. There was lots of tickling and tossing. Each of the kids was coming in and out of the small rooms at various times. There was some fighting over the treasures found in Mandy’s purse and many wanted to see the book we brought for Baby that held pictures of his family. And at one point a little girl told the nanny that Baby boy was hers and that we should leave. But for the most part they were happy and playful! One little guy in particular liked giving Baby kisses and hung around us the majority of the time. It was great to love on the other ones! Some may have been annoyed or desired to focus on “their child” which is understandable I guess, but for both of us it was impossible not to hug and kiss any child that came near. We loved every minute, whether it was holding Baby boy or tickling a three toddler pile up on our lap. It all felt right in the moment. Baby didn’t cry today as we laid him in his crib, which was good. But as we said goodbye we found a very sad and dejected little one, (The one who had been with us most of the day). As he held the small flashlight from Mandy’s purse his head hung low. He knew we were leaving and he wasn’t too happy about it.

Reality is never gentle, and this slap in the face was no different. As we rode away there was still a linger joy about seeing our Baby again, but there was also a very deep sorrow. We may be here to pick up our son, but who is going to take home the little boy with a sad face and nothing but a small flashlight? Who is going to dote over and bring pictures books for the other children there? Who is going to give the rest of these children a home? We know of course that many of the babies will find forever homes through adoption. But what about the older ones? What about the reality that these kids have no one but the nannies that care for them each day. There is no amount of happiness that could cover the sting of that reality. There will never be enough pictures of our happy healthy boy to blot out the memory of the children begging at each street corner. There is nothing we can do to stop ourselves from thinking “what if that was our Baby?” The truth is, adoption is an amazing blessing and life changing experience, but it is also heartbreaking. I am quite sure that every adoptive parent in the world would gladly forgo adoption if it meant that there would no longer be pain or suffering. No longer circumstance that produced unwanted children, or if it could erase poverty and death. Not a one of us would hesitate. But that is not the reality. The reality is that adoption is needed, because every child deserves a chance to be loved and cared for. Every child should be able to have the best possible chance at life. But again that is not a reality. The reality is that there are way more orphans than there are parents willing to adopt them. There will always be poverty; there will always be circumstance unfit for raising a child. So yes, we are happy and over the moon for our little guy. We love him with every fiber of our being!! But for the last 2 years he has been a little boy in our thoughts, then a little guy in pictures, and now he is a little guy living in a care center with lots of other orphaned children. Those kids did not show up in our thoughts or the pictures we were sent. But they were sure there when we meet him. They are there waiting, just like our son waited for us; unaware of the reality of their lives, unfamiliar with the word orphan, unsure of their future. So as you can tell this day was different. This day was why we came in the first place. On this day we felt helpless and hopeful with each breath. We felt anxious and at ease with every movement. We were left not searching for words as we were the day before but instead left praying about how many more children we can and will adopt. Because you see, this reality was not in slow motion with music playing in the background and tears welling in our eyes. This reality was found in the face of a dejected small boy with nothing but a small flashlight.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

There isn't much to say, except that we get to meet our son in just under 3 weeks!!! We got our court date today and found out we get to hold, kiss, hug and marvel at Baby B on April 18th! We can only imagine what that moment will feel like and we are so thankful that we don't have long to wait!

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

We can't thank you enough for your prayers on behalf on Baby B! It has truly made a difference. We are still trying to figure out what is next and wrap our brains around the idea of finally getting to meet our son. But in the meantime we are praying about and strongly pursuing the possibility of staying in Ethiopian for the time between our first and second visit. So if you have any contacts in Ethiopia or know of organizations that could use some volunteers, we would love any and all thoughts/ contacts! And truly, truly, we could not have made it this far without all of you! Thank from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers!

It Takes a Village

The last few weeks have been a whirl wind to say the least! As the arrival of Baby B becomes oh so real, the reality of preparation has set in. We have been in full force work mode trying to "prepare" for our, hopefully soon, departure to Ethiopia. (As a side note we are still waiting to receive our court date, so at this time are still unsure on when we will leave) And with the preparation has come the much appreciated support of our "village." Between help from our parents, baby showers, and home rearranging we have spent the last two weeks in full on baby prep. And even though it is exhausting we have loved every minute of it. We have to give a huge thanks to Grandma Lisa for coming out for the weekend to help us "prepare" a.k.a; make new curtains for the living room, organize all our cupboards, clean baby's closet, make a valance for Baby B's room, plan a baby shower and in her free time make bracelets!! Another huge thanks to Grandma Fiechtner for hosting a baby shower for us at her house. And to Grandpa Fiechtner for helping Mike put the crib together! And to all our friends that joined us at the shower, thank you for your gifts and presence! The best way to show you the craziness that is "baby prep" is through pictures. So you can see below what we have been up to the last 3 weeks. Here you can see in full force how important it is to have such an amazing village surrounding you!

We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2

We have been working for several months to finish B's "family tree." It is only missing the photos of his family on the circles. He has a chalk board, mirror flowers with zipper stems, and a caterpillar to play with when he gets home! His mommy wants to make sure he has plenty of "art time"

Grandparents are great for helping with the finishing touches like cribs and valances!

And daddy is great for "safety checks" like testing out the crib teething rail.

The Grandmas prepped for the baby shower by making special charm bracelets. Each guest at the baby shower got to make a bracelet! And Grandma Lisa asked that they say a prayer for Baby B each time they wore it. Such a fun and heartfelt way to involve our friends in the shower. Loved seeing all the great designs! Loved even more the thought of how covered our little guy is in the prayers of his village!

So blessed by all the gifts from our friends! And loved all the yummie treats the were prepared for us!

Excited to know that Baby B has so many buddies! There were four little one celebrating with us. Plus 5 more on the way! One of the most emotional parts of the day for us was when Bereket said our Baby's name. Something about it being said by such an adorable little one made it feel so real!

Overall it was an amazing day of celebration and we are thankful for all of celebrated in person and for all of our friend in KC that celebrated with us in spirit through their cards! We were so covered in blessings and love by our wonderful, amazing, irreplaceable village!

Praying we will get to tell Baby B this in person very soon!