There is only one thing on our Christmas list this year. Not that there is ever much, we are pretty blessed with all we have. In fact it is often difficult to answer the question of what do you want for both Christmas and our birthdays. But this year that question was not just a reminder that we need to think of something, but more of a painful burning in our hearts. Because what is at the top of our list cannot be bought or found or created. We want nothing more than a phone call saying that there are babies for us. That the precious beings that we have so longed for to complete our family are ready for us to come and meet them. You see our Christmas list is not very long this year and come to mention it, my birthday at the end of January holds the same list. A list of but just one thing. And honestly I don't want anything else because it just feels hollow and wrong without my baby to share it with. In fact much of this holiday season has felt this way. A very distinct void seems to follow me into all the places that normally bring me overwhelming joy. The Christmas season at school, watching the kids get excited, just wasn't the same. Going home to see my family, something that I think brings me the most joy in the world, still feels void. Don't get me wrong they are the most amazing kind of distraction. With a 4 and 1 year old my mind is more often than not occupied! But it is the silence in between those moments of holiday joy that seem to weigh the heaviest. Those moments when I realize as much as I love Mike and my family, I just don't feel complete. My heart aches so much to have my own family. To hold my own babies as they cry, to hear the laughter of their voices chime in with those of their cousins. I love my family, (more than any words on this pages could ever describe) but even they cannot fill all the spaces of aching in my heart. So for now I will be thankful for the spots they can fill, and try my best to enjoy this season that I so look forward to each year. I will try my best to hold on to the hope that the call could still come in this year of 2011. I will muster the same strength it took to write our annual Christmas letter(which I have included below , along with our card) and I will look for the good in every situation that this holiday brings. I will try to put on a happy face and remember that there is still so much to be thankful for this year. And try to make light of an ever growing ache that wells up inside of me just as we tried to do with our funny picture. Because I think sometimes the laughter is the only thing that keeps us from crying. And even if it is not a phone call that I get for Christmas I know that the gift will come in due time.
‘Twas 11 months
before Christmas, and all through our place
We were moving and
arranging and trying to make space
Out went the
couches and down came the flags
The room had to be
cleared for our new roommate’s bags
Our good friend
Beckie would be living with us for awhile
And we would have
to figure out a totally new living style
A few months
together turned into almost a whole year
And we have had
many fun times since she has been here
Beckie has been
witness to a side of us not seen before
Like Mike’s goofy dancing
and early morning rapport
As well as our
crazy banter, laughter and more
She now knows
about our weird habits and laundry galore
But all in all the
addition to our house has been a blessing
And about how long
she will stay, we are all still guessing
It wasn’t just
rearranging that kept us busy this year
Many trips and
events required our calendar to be clear
In January
Mike made his way to the east coast for 3 weeks
The below
freezing weather gave him more than rosy cheeks
Lots of
walking and wet feet didn’t keep him from a great time
He had sights to see and the support of his partner in crime
He and his best friend Craig toured Jersey, NYC and Philly
Great friends helped round out an awesome trip, albeit it chilly
On buses, on
trains! To Boston, Maine, and the National Mall!
In a flash his
vacation dashed away! dashed away all!
But not to
worry, more trips and fun were ahead
All over the
country and back we would tread
In April down
to warm sunny L.A. we both flied
Of course we had
21 students who came along for the ride
But we’ll
admit they were all pretty great and not at all lame
So proud of
the many great things they did in the Lord’s name
In June, Mike
continued the good works up in the north
He helped
rebuild a kitchen and alas a new floor came forth
To close out
the school year Mandy was honored by an award
To be chosen
by her students left her blessed and floored
We were off to
travel again after another good school year
In San Diego
we found family, friends and much cheer
And in Florida
more family fun and delight was created
What an
unexpected year of travel, none of which was slated
And in the
midst of all the traveling Mike was busy training
For the
marathon he completed where it never stopped raining
Unfortunately we
have not been able to take the best trip just yet
We are still
hoping for the call and trying not to fret
But it has been a
tough year of much pain and waiting
We so wish it was
memories with our child we were creating
We will continue
to trust and to passionately pray
That the call
about our child will come any day
It is so hard to
understand why it is taking so long
Waking up each day
without a child to hold just feels wrong
So we hold him
close to our heart until he can be in our arms
And woo us daily
with his beautiful baby charms
We know the time
is coming when we will have our child
And you can be
sure our announcement will be big and wild
So just as we
have in each past year
We pray that
you hold this message most dear
In this season
of peace, love & joy,
When songs are
sung of holly, mistletoe, & the drummer boy,
The
Fiechtner’s do pray that above all,
You remember a
man & a woman who answered God’s call,
A small baby
they did bore,
That would die
to settle our score,
In this
wonderful season may the Lord be your light,
“Happy
Christmas to all, & to all a good-night!”
