Our Christmas list is short this year

There is only one thing on our Christmas list this year.  Not that there is ever much, we are pretty blessed with all we have.  In fact it is often difficult to answer the question of what do you want for both Christmas and our birthdays.  But this year that question was not just a reminder that we need to think of something, but more of a painful burning in our hearts.  Because what is at the top of our list cannot be bought or found or created.  We want nothing more than a phone call saying that there are babies for us. That the precious beings that we have so longed for to complete our family are ready for us to come and meet them.  You see our Christmas list is not very long this year and come to mention it, my birthday at the end of January holds the same list.  A list of but just one thing.  And honestly I don't want anything else because it just feels hollow and wrong without my baby to share it with.  In fact much of this holiday season has felt this way.  A very distinct void seems to follow me into all the places that normally bring me overwhelming joy.  The Christmas season at school, watching the kids get excited, just wasn't the same.  Going home to see my family, something that I think brings me the most joy in the world, still feels void.  Don't get me wrong they are the most amazing kind of distraction.  With a 4 and 1 year old my mind is more often than not occupied!  But it is the silence in between those moments of holiday joy that seem to weigh the heaviest.  Those moments when I realize as much as I love Mike and my family, I just don't feel complete.  My heart aches so much to have my own family.  To hold my own babies as they cry, to hear the laughter of their voices chime in with those of their cousins.  I love my family, (more than any words on this pages could ever describe) but even they cannot fill all the spaces of aching in my heart.  So for now I will be thankful for the spots they can fill, and try my best to enjoy this season that I so look forward to each year.  I will try my best to hold on to the hope that the call could still come in this year of 2011.  I will muster the same strength it took to write our annual Christmas letter(which I have included below , along with our card) and I will look for the good in every situation that this holiday brings.  I will try to put on a happy face and remember that there is still so much to be thankful for this year. And try to make light of an ever growing ache that wells up inside of me just as we tried to do with our funny picture.  Because I think sometimes the laughter is the only thing that keeps us from crying.  And even if it is not a phone call that I get for Christmas I know that the gift will come in due time.

‘Twas 11 months before Christmas, and all through our place

We were moving and arranging and trying to make space

Out went the couches and down came the flags

The room had to be cleared for our new roommate’s bags

Our good friend Beckie would be living with us for awhile

And we would have to figure out a totally new living style

A few months together turned into almost a whole year

And we have had many fun times since she has been here

Beckie has been witness to a side of us not seen before

Like Mike’s goofy dancing and early morning rapport

As well as our crazy banter, laughter and more

She now knows about our weird habits and laundry galore

But all in all the addition to our house has been a blessing

And about how long she will stay, we are all still guessing

It wasn’t just rearranging that kept us busy this year

Many trips and events required our calendar to be clear

In January Mike made his way to the east coast for 3 weeks

The below freezing weather gave him more than rosy cheeks

Lots of walking and wet feet didn’t keep him from a great time

He had sights to see and the support of his partner in crime

He and his best friend Craig toured Jersey, NYC and Philly

Great friends helped round out an awesome trip, albeit it chilly

On buses, on trains! To Boston, Maine, and the National Mall!

In a flash his vacation dashed away! dashed away all!

But not to worry, more trips and fun were ahead

All over the country and back we would tread

In April down to warm sunny L.A. we both flied

Of course we had 21 students who came along for the ride

But we’ll admit they were all pretty great and not at all lame

So proud of the many great things they did in the Lord’s name

In June, Mike continued the good works up in the north

He helped rebuild a kitchen and alas a new floor came forth

To close out the school year Mandy was honored by an award

To be chosen by her students left her blessed and floored

We were off to travel again after another good school year

In San Diego we found family, friends and much cheer

And in Florida more family fun and delight was created

What an unexpected year of travel, none of which was slated

And in the midst of all the traveling Mike was busy training

For the marathon he completed where it never stopped raining

Unfortunately we have not been able to take the best trip just yet

We are still hoping for the call and trying not to fret

But it has been a tough year of much pain and waiting

We so wish it was memories with our child we were creating

We will continue to trust and to passionately pray

That the call about our child will come any day

It is so hard to understand why it is taking so long

Waking up each day without a child to hold just feels wrong

So we hold him close to our heart until he can be in our arms

And woo us daily with his beautiful baby charms

We know the time is coming when we will have our child

And you can be sure our announcement will be big and wild

So just as we have in each past year

We pray that you hold this message most dear

In this season of peace, love & joy,

When songs are sung of holly, mistletoe, & the drummer boy,

The Fiechtner’s do pray that above all,

You remember a man & a woman who answered God’s call,

A small baby they did bore,

That would die to settle our score,

In this wonderful season may the Lord be your light,

“Happy Christmas to all, & to all a good-night!”