Waiting

When Mandy and I started the adoption process I knew that there would be plenty of time to wait but I had no idea what that feeling would be like.  Imagine you're a kid in school again and you can't wait for summer break!  You can't wait for the sun, no homework and time to hang out with friends.  Now change that a bit......you know summer break is coming but you have no idea when.  Each day you go to school hoping the teachers will tell you it's the last day of school.  It might be June 5th but it might be August 15th.....you don't know.  You're waiting for one of the best days of the year but don't know when that will be.  That is what it feels like waiting for our referral.

We are waiting for that phone call from Holt.  The phone call that will forever change our lives. It's an excruciating time for us.  During the wait for our referral we've been praying for patience but as the wait has been strung out even longer we have resorted to flat out praying for us to get our referral.  Most people look forward to the weekend....I look forward to the week because I know Holt can't call us on the weekend with good news.

I look forward to the day that I can look at pictures of my child, say his(her) name, pray specifically for him and daydream about the day we bring him home.  Will there be more waiting in this process....yes.  Will it be hard....yes.  But at least I will have a name and picture of my baby.  Those are the things that will help us get through the long periods of waiting.  I pray that we would get that referral soon!

Why did you decide to adopt?

As Mike and I have journeyed through the last 14 months of the adoption process there have been many questions asked of us and by us. They range from silly and inquisitive, to ignorant and inappropriate. Like when one of my students asked “are you going to tell your son he is adopted?” To which I responded with a chuckle,” I think he will know.” And after a long pause that student came back with, “oh yeah he is black and you are white.” This kind of question makes me laugh and remember that adoption is still a bit of an unknown to many people. And this lack of knowledge about adoption is what I try to remind myself of when people ask the not so funny questions, like “how much does your baby cost,” or “have you ever tried to have your own children?” To which I want to say, “That is none of your business” but instead try to answer politely and with some level of information that will educate them about adoption. So my answers are usually, “our baby is priceless, the paperwork and travel however can be expensive.” And to the question of our “own” children I simply respond, “We have not tried to have biological children, but if we do they will be no more or less our ‘own’ then our adopted children.” I in no way think people mean to be hurtful, because the majority of the time the questions are asked with sincere concern and the desire to know more about our journey. I simply wanted to share what we have experienced so far.

Of the many questions we have been asked about our adoption is always one that both excites me and scares me, “Why did you decide to adopt?” Wow, what a loaded question and one that requires considerable time and thought to answer! To be honest even after years of considering and over a year of being immersed in the process of adoption I still hesitate when I answer that question. Not because I don’t know the answer in my heart but because I don’t always know how to put it into words. And I am not sure if this blog post will do it justice either, but for my own sake and the sake of those who are walking along this journey with us I thought I would try. (I want to mention that, although I am writing from my own perspective, I know Mike shares much of the same sentiment).

One of the things I want to dispel before I tell you why we decided to adopt is that we are nothing special. Please do not mistake us for an altruistic couple who should be praised for their willingness to adopt a child from Africa. Although we clearly recognize that our child will have much more advantage with us then he might if he is not adopted, our motives are no different than any parent. We want a family just like our pregnant friends and our friends who choose adoption because they were unable to conceive. All who are part of the parenthood fraternity, no matter how we get there, choose to love our children with all of our being. The act of parenthood in and of itself is the most selfless thing a person can do, and an adoptive parent is no more or less selfless than all parents. And I am so thankful that the desire to have a family is not discriminatory, because it is comforting to know we are all headed towards the same goal, we just take different paths to get there.

So now that I have all that out there, “why did we decide to adopt?” I hate to build this all up, just to give a simple answer, but it is the only true and honest answer Mike and I can stand firm on without wavering.

So here it is… we decided to adopt… because, well, God called us to.

Sorry I don’t have glitzy answers or amazing promises of how great we are and how privileged our child will be to have us as parents, because quite honestly none of that holds up under the weight of inquisition and because we can make no such promise. Like everyone in the body of Christ we are simply living out each day hoping that for at least a few moments our eyes will be locked on the Lord and we will see clearly his path for us. At several points over the last 5 years of being married, both Mike and I have felt nudged by God that we should adopt. We can’t pinpoint exact moments, because the stirrings and presence of the Holy Spirit can rarely be narrowed down. So when the time came that we were ready to add another member to our family there was little doubt for either of us about what we needed to do next. That was last April, the beginning of our parenthood and adoption journey.

Some of you might also be wondering why we chose Ethiopia? Not surprising that answer is just as simple, God gave us a heart for Africa. When we spent 4 weeks at an orphanage in southern Kenya during the fall of 2007 the desire in our hearts to adopt grew very strong. How could they not, watching young girls and boys forced to raise themselves is one of the most difficult things we have ever done. I felt both comfort and absolute anguish simultaneously. Comfort as I watched the older children care for the young ones, and anguish in the same breath as I saw that they were robbed of their childhood, denied a chance to be loved by a parent, deprived of some most basic needs, and stripped of a carefree adolescents. It was during that time that Mike and I knew, although we can’t save all children from this fate we can save some. And so our desire to adopt and our heart for Africa collided over the beautiful nation of Ethiopia!

Many years later our journey continues, not without pain and frustration, but nonetheless clothed in joy! As we continue to seek what God calls all of us to in James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world,” we are so thankful for all the support we have received from our family and brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the most profound things that has come from this question of “why” is our realization that we are not so different from any other parent. Wouldn’t we all spend whatever material possession it took to bring a healthy child into our home? Wouldn’t we all fly around the world and back to bring home our baby if that’s what it took? Don’t we all as believers seek to live out God’s will for our life? We chose to adopt because that is God’s will for our lives and for our children’s lives.

Would you like to buy a T-shirt and help spread the news about adoption?

As many of you know, and this blog would suggest, we are in the midst of starting a new journey in our lives, parenthood! And as we move through our adoption journey we continue to experience the ups and downs of starting a family. All who have started a family know how we feel at this stage in our journey: scared, excited, overwhelmed, and full of joy and anticipation. We all know there is little you can do to “prepare” for being a parent, but there are small things that we hope might help ease us into this new adventure.

As a part of the preparation for bringing home our little one from Ethiopia we have experienced a lot of discussions about our decision to adopt. Through these discussions, one of the most poignant discoveries is that even though the adoption process is new and unknown to us, it is nothing new. The God of the universe has been adopting his sons and daughters into his heavenly kingdom long before we made our choice. Our discovery of this great blessing has helped us to better understand why God called us to adopt. It has also helped us explain to others that we are all adopted in Christ. This profound truth and assurance from God is how we came up with the design for the t-shirt you see above. (All shirts are heather gray with black letters, the verse at the bottom says John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you.")

As a way of continuing our preparation as well as getting out awareness about adoption we decided to sell these t-shirts. Our desire is to raise money to cover some of the cost of adoption, but most importantly our hope is that when people wear these shirts, the topic of adoption will be brought up. We pray that you can share about our journey so that others might consider adoption as a way of starting their own family. But most importantly we pray that you might have the chance to talk about Christ and the most life changing adoption we all have available.

We are asking for a donation for the shirts, but please know that our ultimate desire is to get the word out about adoption, both earthly and heavenly. If you are interested please fill out and return the form included regardless of how much you can give. We will hand deliver or ship you a shirt.

We are so thankful for all the love and support we have experienced along this journey. We know our child will be blessed because he has all of you as family and friends! We can’t thank you enough for your support, love, and prayers as we embark on parenthood. Thank you from the bottom or our heart.

If you would like a shirt and did not receive a letter in the mail please e-mail us at mandyfiechtner@gmail.com and we will make sure to get you one! Order deadline is June 30th.