Today is a tough day for us. A day we never expected to come. A day we have been dreading for quite some time now. In reality this day is not all that different from the many days of waiting that have come before, but emotionally it feels like a 1,000 lb boulder in comparison to the pebbles and rocks we have experienced thus far.
It has been exactly one year since our dossier was accepted. One year since the day we officially went on the list of waiting parents. It has been 365 days since we began to consider that our referral could come “at any time”. It has been a pain staking 12 months of hoping and praying and wishing. And somehow today at this “milestone” that we never expected to reach, all we can do is cry. We are struggling to find the strength to hope, pray or wish. We wanted the next milestone to be our referral, not the painful reality of more time. Our minds know what lies ahead, resubmitting paperwork, restarting our home study, and paying more money that we didn’t budget for. We know all those logistics are out there for us to begin again, we know we must make a choice about what to do, we know they must happen soon to be able to continue this process. Yet the only thing our brains and hearts can do is cry. Cry because our babies are out there without us. Cry because they have to wait in conditions that they don’t deserve. Cry because another day will go by when we can’t shower them with hugs and kisses. Cry because today is not the end, a big milestone to overcome, but not the end of our waiting.
So we don’t ask for comforting words today. And please don’t remind us of God’s good and perfect timing or tell us it will all make sense in the end. Please just step in on our behalf. Please continue to pray and hope and wish for us, for our child. Because today all we can do is cry.
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